She said she wanted me in her life forever

 

And maybe it’s because of the way I close up and block out

And am distant

Floating in another world

With her at the centre of it

All the while I was letting her walk by

While she was trying a little less harder to bring me back to her

 

Or maybe it’s because of the way she is

Her warm and radiant self

A beacon for all that surrounds her

But it isn’t to blame

That smile of hers

At the faintest whisper of her name

 

But I’m guessing it’s been a growing feeling

That made her decide

Her forever with me is over

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Through windows

we showed signs and made shapes almost every day for a year

Except for those weeks I was lying in bed

Not mine but the hospitals

That time when the signs just weren’t enough

 

It was bright when I returned

and ran straight to the window

He was sat by his, with his head on the glass

A bouquet of flowers resting on the ledge

Silently wilting

 

I let him sleep

But left him a sign

“I’m back, I hope they are mine.”

 

When I woke the next day

He was approaching with speed

“Of course…” said his sign, “who else’s would they be?”

He told me to wait

Because he was taking my turn

Where his words came out slow

But he was making me learn

 

about how while I was gone

He had swam the distance between us

Pulled by the gazes that were moments too long

And in a literal sense

Through the small pond that separated our houses

In the dark of the night

After days of waiting

For my light

 

He was turning the pages fast

And maybe it was the leaves in the wind

The way they danced in the air

But it seemed like his frame was shaking

 

He said he slept by his window

For days on end

All the while thinking how he could tell me

That he had notebooks filled with what could have been said

What could have been done

If we had stepped out sooner

And into the sun

light

there was suddenly one behind his head

beaming straight through him and into me

I thought it was a sign

A grand gesture

This is how we would meet

He suddenly dropped the book

And yelled he was done

I thought this was it, the time had finally come

He used the approaching light to show me one last sign

A shaking little heart

                               Before his room went dark.

 

Through windows

She has the cutest little laugh

As she turns back to face me

Almost subconsciously

As soon as something funny happens

Or is said

And it hurts a little

These flashes of the past

As if nothing has changed

But it’s really there

That division

Even if it’s only small

I would have been in the seat next to her

Having lunch with her

I would have laughed my sides in with her

But these small flashes of the past

When she still turns to me in times of happiness

Make me glad that I still exist

Even if it is in miniature.

 

They always warn you

To stay away from the boys

and girls

With the warm smiles

And inviting eyes

The boys and girls

With soft lips

And a firm grip

They always warn you

That it’s the ones you don’t know

That will hurt you the most

As you fall

Deeper and deeper into them

Longing for it to work

But they never warned you

About the boys and girls

That shared the same jokes as you

As your laughs

Danced and folded and merged into one

After years of unity

They never warned you

About how real it would feel

To be hurt by those you thought would last.

 

Cherry Blossom

 

A look out the window

A glance

A flicker of the eye

Over that tree

Its branches move in the wind

A silent dance to the sound of whistles

And howls and steady breaths

That float through the wind

And land on its pink petals

Blushing

It’s temporary

But more solid than you’ll ever be

In his life

And in your own

But you can’t help it

Wanting to go out there

To pick one of those pink petals

To hand it to him

Blushing.

Cherry Blossom