She has the cutest little laugh

As she turns back to face me

Almost subconsciously

As soon as something funny happens

Or is said

And it hurts a little

These flashes of the past

As if nothing has changed

But it’s really there

That division

Even if it’s only small

I would have been in the seat next to her

Having lunch with her

I would have laughed my sides in with her

But these small flashes of the past

When she still turns to me in times of happiness

Make me glad that I still exist

Even if it is in miniature.

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They always warn you

To stay away from the boys

and girls

With the warm smiles

And inviting eyes

The boys and girls

With soft lips

And a firm grip

They always warn you

That it’s the ones you don’t know

That will hurt you the most

As you fall

Deeper and deeper into them

Longing for it to work

But they never warned you

About the boys and girls

That shared the same jokes as you

As your laughs

Danced and folded and merged into one

After years of unity

They never warned you

About how real it would feel

To be hurt by those you thought would last.

 

Cherry Blossom

 

A look out the window

A glance

A flicker of the eye

Over that tree

Its branches move in the wind

A silent dance to the sound of whistles

And howls and steady breaths

That float through the wind

And land on its pink petals

Blushing

It’s temporary

But more solid than you’ll ever be

In his life

And in your own

But you can’t help it

Wanting to go out there

To pick one of those pink petals

To hand it to him

Blushing.

Cherry Blossom

10 years

1,2

You tell me I’m your favourite person

3,4

You say you miss me every night

5,6

You say “you’re beautiful” while looking right through me

7,8

Your interaction seems forced, you’re becoming aggressive

9

You say you want to mend things between us

10

You say I was just practise

As you walk off with her

10 years

Mother

28/10/2014

8:42pm

I watch you slave away to maintain this house of yours and the standards you have of yourself. You never let anyone down. Today I stood back and properly observed you for the first time. You looked utterly drained and worn out yet despite looking ill you kept going. Kept going to make sure the billionth number guest we are having tomorrow were catered for in every aspect possible. You cooked an extravagant meal and I scorned you for it; I don’t think you understood why. Understood that today for the first time in a very long while all I wanted to do was hug you and tell you how much I appreciate you.

If I can only be half the person my mother is when I’m older I will have lived my life the best way. My mum has a heart of gold and is the most selfless person I have ever met. And I’m not just saying that because she gave birth to me, ((bias is not a word in my life)) I’m saying it because it is the most truth that has ever sprung to my mind and leaked onto a page.

I wish to only be half the woman my mother is when I’m older. Only half because time after time I see how much people let you down and take advantage of you and don’t appreciate you for all your worth and no matter how hard I try to tell you to stop being so generous you just can’t. It’s a part of who you are and I have the most admiration for that but I cannot take it on as an asset. I will not let people walk over me like they continue to do you. I will not allow anyone to treat me the way they do you. I will try my best to fix all the wrong that had been done to you and if I can ease even a bit of your pain I will not feel like such a failure.

It frustrates me how much people don’t appreciate you and all I have ever wanted it the best for you and for you to be happy. I see that you get so fed up with your life sometimes it makes me feel so helpless because I don’t know what to do. I think the real reason that I don’t come to you will all my hoards of problems is because I don’t want them to weigh you down the way they do me. Everyone is dealing with their own demons and while having your own, you also carry those of countless others because of your kindness.

I don’t think I will be able to tell you I love you in real life soon ((I’m still coming to grips with expressing emotions)) so I hope this does it justice but just you wait mum, I will make them know your worth before they know mine.

Mother