They always warn you
To stay away from the boys
With the warm smiles
And inviting eyes
The boys and girls
With soft lips
And a firm grip
They always warn you
That it’s the ones you don’t know
That will hurt you the most
As you fall
Deeper and deeper into them
Longing for it to work
But they never warned you
About the boys and girls
That shared the same jokes as you
As your laughs
Danced and folded and merged into one
After years of unity
They never warned you
About how real it would feel
To be hurt by those you thought would last.
The throw of a dart, another place on the list
An undiscovered land, to the soles of my shoes
A lone traveller, walking the night
A foreign tongue, spinning me dizzy
The enchantment of the place wearing thin
I drag myself out once more, to take hold of the day
But find my way back, to sit in the light of the early morning
Waiting for my way home
A look out the window
A flicker of the eye
Over that tree
Its branches move in the wind
A silent dance to the sound of whistles
And howls and steady breaths
That float through the wind
And land on its pink petals
But more solid than you’ll ever be
In his life
And in your own
But you can’t help it
Wanting to go out there
To pick one of those pink petals
To hand it to him
You tell me I’m your favourite person
You say you miss me every night
You say “you’re beautiful” while looking right through me
Your interaction seems forced, you’re becoming aggressive
You say you want to mend things between us
You say I was just practise
As you walk off with her
I watch you slave away to maintain this house of yours and the standards you have of yourself. You never let anyone down. Today I stood back and properly observed you for the first time. You looked utterly drained and worn out yet despite looking ill you kept going. Kept going to make sure the billionth number guest we are having tomorrow were catered for in every aspect possible. You cooked an extravagant meal and I scorned you for it; I don’t think you understood why. Understood that today for the first time in a very long while all I wanted to do was hug you and tell you how much I appreciate you.
If I can only be half the person my mother is when I’m older I will have lived my life the best way. My mum has a heart of gold and is the most selfless person I have ever met. And I’m not just saying that because she gave birth to me, ((bias is not a word in my life)) I’m saying it because it is the most truth that has ever sprung to my mind and leaked onto a page.
I wish to only be half the woman my mother is when I’m older. Only half because time after time I see how much people let you down and take advantage of you and don’t appreciate you for all your worth and no matter how hard I try to tell you to stop being so generous you just can’t. It’s a part of who you are and I have the most admiration for that but I cannot take it on as an asset. I will not let people walk over me like they continue to do you. I will not allow anyone to treat me the way they do you. I will try my best to fix all the wrong that had been done to you and if I can ease even a bit of your pain I will not feel like such a failure.
It frustrates me how much people don’t appreciate you and all I have ever wanted it the best for you and for you to be happy. I see that you get so fed up with your life sometimes it makes me feel so helpless because I don’t know what to do. I think the real reason that I don’t come to you will all my hoards of problems is because I don’t want them to weigh you down the way they do me. Everyone is dealing with their own demons and while having your own, you also carry those of countless others because of your kindness.
I don’t think I will be able to tell you I love you in real life soon ((I’m still coming to grips with expressing emotions)) so I hope this does it justice but just you wait mum, I will make them know your worth before they know mine.
It is currently 2:29am and this is the third blogging website that I have signed up to tonight…
I don’t really have a strict plan for this blog (or the two others I have created) as of yet, other than for it to be an online platform where the inner most contents of my mind will be able to spill (oh Lord not literally) and if someone, somewhere in the world can relate to or even like what I have written, then it’ll be a huge bonus.
As for now though, this is just to satisfy my needs.